[	Current Location	|	house, shocking	]
[	mood	|	sunned around	]
[	music	|	six months off for bad behavior	]

Missing

Granted there were about...a lot of us...but to anyone who was at the common who left late, I left a brown pair of sunglasses

Did anyone see them?

If i lose these that makes 4 lost or broken in a month and I don't think we can accept that. Oh no.

Good day, though, apart from that. I think we all welcomed true summer (fingers crossed) in the correct way.

[	Current Location	|	Outside your bedroom window.	]
[	mood	|	messy	]
[	music	|	Calm Down Dearest Dear	]

Today I am going to start revising, or tomorrow. In the next to days for sure. I promise. I'm quite excited. I can't wait for discussions about revision, when instead of moaning that I haven't done any I can think to myself that, for once, I have got of my prograstinative bum and be able to say that I am making an effort. Granted, though, I will not be able to be involved in such conversations because I will have to stay in until my three consecutive days of AS exams to catch up with the world. This is, mostly, because I chose times like these to write livejournal posts.... or to look around my dads room.

His room is sad, actually, because it resembles that of a teenage boy, or a man in his twenties, because it is a purely male-dominated room. I remember my parents room at sudbrooke was more feminine, it was tidier. But his room has an unmade bed, clothes strewn across the floor and chairs, and newspapers and empty bottles of pills litter the floor. He holds fast to his role as a man though business clothes, travel bags and documents, business cards, the dresser from my parents old bedroom and framed black and white photographs, but there's still something that screams digression about the place. He seems to have journeyed back to his youth, leaving the life with mum, who resides just the floor above. I felt kind of creepy looking around his room, but I was searching for something I guess. I was searching for a sign of the other woman, or for a sign of exactly what his life is like outside our late-night drunken kitchen chats and occasional lunches. If my dad was gone I would miss him.

My mum is at the kooks. She has regressed too. She wants to be my brother. She wants to be in a band and drink too much beer and have her whole life ahead of her, but different. Really, though, they should both be happy where they are because they have me ;p

I am waiting to notice the gap which will be left by the year aboves. If you think about it, a good quarter of our friends, or so, will be moving on. I remember the start of the year, with the fun and then actually becoming friends. And i know it sounds silly but i think i will miss them, because... because I don't like it when people leave. But today was alright. 

Yesterday I couldn't remember your number. And it was the most remarkable point of realisation. It was too sad to focus on, actually. Too long.

Acupuncture is good for me, I think, because it makes me feel like I am doing something active to look after my health other than going to the doctors, having more blood tests and testing out whichever drug they choose to throw at me next. I don't believe in it though, in the meridians and the heat. I don't know if I can see the truth in it. I come out feeling positive.

With all this football talk I am wondering whether I ought to support Tottenham. It seems like the noble thing to do. I have not claim to any other team, and the males in my family would be so very happy. Seems slightly futile, though.

Oh, please shut up.

[	mood	|	parisian... i'm lying.	]
[	music	|	crazy french men shouting	]

I feel like I have been away from the world forever, which I guess in a way I hav been. This is for un bon nombre de raisons. Premierement, parce que j'ai ete sick. And not sick in the sense of I am sick, mandem-style, but sick in the sense of actually curled up in bed  in a moaning way.

Duexiement, Buxton. Screams of 'I hate you, I hate buxton, I hate my life'  gave way to the hysteria and teamBlove and oversharing. If you had told me, on saturday, after nine hours in the mud and rain hiking since dawn, finding myself soaking wet cooking dinner in a dark leaking tent surrounded by ducks who obviosly thought they were in an actual pond, that I would actually miss it, i would have quite confidently gone on about smoking crack etc. How predictable of me. How predictable of you. :-s

Et troisiemement, parce que je suis a Paris. Sacre bleu. Too overexcited to be here having walked 20 minutes past our hotel. Etcetcetc, love it etc. Then for a quiet first night we....

http://electricbluecat.livejournal.com/498243.html?view=1178691&style=mine#t1178691

But to somewhat embellish...happy hour prices all night, dancing to every english song played - candyshop played four times - being taught to speak in a south african accent..failing. "Hannah pretending she was south african, which seemed to entice the boys....onto our lips. Haha, joking!" And all that came with two teams of south african surfer/rugby players and bare cocktails. French boys on the way home. Welsh boys out the window. American boy on the stair. As such.

A long sight-seeing walk to work, at the break of day lead to an office near L'opera. I have had so much iced tea I am positively drowning in it. Mai-anh is somewhere french, so me and hannah took an extended lunchbreak and came back to....um.....this. I have my own name-tag though, so all is well in the world.

Tell me about London?

[	mood	|	non-communicative	]
[	music	|	'She came to my show just to hear about my day'	]

You know I'll call you eventually - when I want to talk. 'Til then you're invisible. So don't call?

It turns out I'm actually bare ill. I've been putting it off since December, when I first got a little ill, but now suddenly I've let it happen and it's overtaken me in the silliest way. I maintain that my glands are bigger than my face, but then last Friday at I repeatedly claimed that I had a smile in my neck.
You may have gathered that I did, in fact, not.
So I am awaiting the doctor's call. Hopefully some nice drugs to settle me down. Apparently, apart from work both days of the weekend, I have to stay at home. The only time my mum introduces sanctions is when I'm ill, even exams don't seem to trigger her mothering gene. 

Boy you are a flower, tonight I'll be your liar, and tell you it's alright.

I am currently wearing all my Buxton clothes. Including my hiking bag. and 6 tops. I feel quite unstable, and closely resemble the michelin man. Had the michelin man been black, with a hiking bag. But suddenly I'm quite looking forward to the trip, even if I have to spend the weekend in the snow, up a hill, at 5am, with a mildly annoying boy that thinks I love him and whos girlfriend is, seemingly, stalking me. It'll be nice to get some fresh air and to change the weekend activities from pubbing, clubbing, working and drugging. Maybe. 
And the next day, of course is Paris. Everything is telling me to go to Paris. Vogue through my letterbox, h&m's new ad campaign, an article my Dad's writing, the two drum and bass arena nights while we're there. Ce cera parfait.

And in the barrell of my gun, I hope I'm not the only one.

In other news:
- I've found flights for £127, including taxblabla. And my mum knows theres gonna be about 17ish of us. All are coping, currently. Let's bookbookbook.
- My open university essay is due in during buxton, so needs to be handed in by thursday. In the words of grace - "mummy... ohnonononono"
- Fusion was a hysterical success. We made about £1500, and my group are just so....unexpectedly marrrvelous.
- I found don't worry, be happy that we got over-excited about at syngergy - 'I give you my phone number, when you worried, call me - I make you happy'
- I'm quickly tiring of all this ego. 
- The Project (my brother's band) is playing at the grand on the 31st. I think everyone knows that but awhhhhh.
- This post has been too long.

And I've become crueller in your presence.

[	mood	|	"CRACKHEAD!"	]
[	music	|	slippery slope	]

It's got to that stage where I just feel kind of cracked. Last night had so many weird stages and places that it doesn't really make sense anymore. Doing the black tie thingin sipping champagne and wine dresses and heels, subsiding into kitchen style motown and general classics, til the whole event gave way into drum and bass under the indian tent, digressing into flats and trackkie bs.

Both of my cousins running around blind drunk. Everyone running around blind drunk. Toilet chats. Random girls - "ohhh you're cassia". Perfect raving with mai-anh. Laila - "ohnoyoudidn't!"...and hannah - "What, did you just call me a lesbian?!" "oh god, that rascist lesbian girl is shouting at me again". State school/private school. The boys - "You've lost the plot mate. Everyones lost the plot" until it became apparent that, yes, everyone had lost the plot as the 50 or so people who hadn't been smart enough to get a cab out at the end of the night attempted to settle down in the tentywhatsit ending in failure, throwing salad and mild hypothermia - "Cassia, man, you feel like ice. I think this is it, you're actually going to die" he says. All giving up two hours later, for hockey yah. and a long journey back to london. sick, i think?

This is the kind of post I hate to read because it doesn't actually concern anyone but those who were there and is, therefore inconsequential to....well everyone really. Lets make this less about me; anyone, tell me what was your exact perfect moment of the weekend?

I'm not going into school tomorrow, fuck that. Lets all go to bed.

[	mood	|	Decidedly undecided.	]
[	music	|	'If you don't know, you really need to know'	]

Today I felt bizarre, so, as I got home at 2.30 to find noone in my house I decided to cycle to Battersea Park. I love Battersea park because it is so undeniably beautiful in places, truly urban in others, and holds a million childhood memories. I found I could stop in random places, and touch the scare I still wear from falling there. The cycle itself was great too, I find cycling on the road so exciting, you never know who will try and knock you down next. I think, though, the lorry that forced me to skid on to the pavement took it too far.

I stopped for a break by the river, and found half a zoot in my bag, which I havent used since the blaze-up at glorias. I took this to be a sign, and asked this dancing man to lend me a lighter. I was glad I had asked him, of everyone, because he turned out to be on acid, apparently, and consequently, he told me I was amazing. He said he could see the dark blue around my iris', which noone ever can, and which I took to be an indication that spring was coming. I don't know why he was on acid in the middle of the day, but I enjoyed the conversation, and I also enjoyed the first ever zoot I'd smoked all by myself which I find surprising in a way, coming from a group of girls reputed to be 'dirty pot-heads' by year 9.

No ravers just some rude youts; they don't make 'em like they used to.

Quite recently, Sophie and I discussed how neither of us could pull of the word "SICK". Maybe, perhaps, possibly it’s a blonde thing? But I don’t know, coz I'm really not that blonde anymore. Irregardless, I spent the larger part of Friday night/Saturday morning overusing that word, and only that word. I came up in the VIP lounge of Ministry enjoying a short-lived rest on a leather seat to the words "this is SICK, we are SICK!" and it really fucking was. Gotta love the galdem....

I'm becoming increasingly positive as the days increase in length. Each day contains another couple of minutes of light, and a few less of dark. Already, this month, the day length has gone up by 57 minutes. Spring is coming - believe. I can feel it, and I can't fucking wait. Sometimes I think you abuse your intelligence. In contrast, its planning to snow tomorrow, apparently. We'll see.

In your version of this world, you're everybody's favourite girl./But that don't mean I'll be the victim of any pain you are inflicting, today.

[	mood	|	apathetic	]
[	music	|	'It's my fault, I'm sorry.' - Michael's CD	]

My careless attitude towards my sociology module has come back to bite my in the butt, today, as I try to flick through my notes and notice that there's a massive amount of stuff I don't know. You can't, however, halt the inevitable, so I'll do the exam and we'll see.

I had a dream about Lucy (holton), Natacha and Ming yesterday. We were touring Paris, and found ourselves, continually, in this really scary arcade....however much we tried to do something more Parisian and more enjoyable. Then Ming got stuck on a conveyor belt, and all he could say was 'I am sick', and Natacha was telling him how he had to say that he was sorry to get off the conveyor belt, but he couldn't. So he kept going round and round, and Natacha was getting really pissed off, and Lucy was talking to these stuffed rabbits, and I just wanted to go to our cocktail bar in Paris. It was quite a scary dream, in a way. sorry to luc, natacha and ming for having to be part of that...

I dont know how it happened, It all took place so quick. But all I can do is hand it to you, and your latest trick. I never saw you spoiling this one.

But, the actual point of this post is that we may have a problem, what do we think?:

ENTRY REQUIREMENTS

A minor under the age of 18 travelling to Portugal must either:

• be accompanied by a parent or guardian,
• be met at the airport or point of entry by a parent or guardian, or
• carry a letter of authorisation to travel from a parent or guardian. The letter should name the adult responsible for the minor during his/her stay.

A minor who is living in Portugal may be prevented from leaving the country if he/she is travelling unaccompanied and is not carrying a notarised letter of authority from a parent or guardian. This is particularly important for children returning to school in the UK.

Similarly, a resident minor travelling with just one of his/her parents, must have a notarised letter of authority to leave the country from the parent who is staying behind. A standard form of words covering both of these cases, may be downloaded from the Portuguese immigration service website at http://www.sef.pt/impressos.htm (see: Saída de Menores de Território Nacional).

[	mood	|	plez	]
[	music	|	simpsons, gloria giggling.	]

This week, the fury has, once again, seized me...meaning, simply, that I've had to run a lot. I never knew how much lung capacity I would have if it wasnt full of....tar? But today I am feeling great. Today is great.

Yesterday, or maybe the day before, I tried to explain some of the history of the graveney girls, but you can't escape so much of five years in five minutes. I have so many memories of us that will never fail to rest happily in my memory. But what I'm loving us, so many new things are already happening that can rest with them. Even silly things, like Hannah throwing my knickers to me, accross the classroom, in french. Or activities, like all the raving and drinking and dancing and hugging. Like ice skating and eating and cotching at toms house day after day. Like the barrier, just the barrier. Then, more recently, mary's, and new years eve and all sorts. Oh my.

And now something a little bit old-school...

( The GGs do Brighton - Take 3 )

[	mood	|	edgy	]
[	music	|	'and my heart stops beating'	]

I have just experienced a christmas miracle:

I was lying on my belly, on my floor complaining online about the loss of my mothers wedding ring, by me, when suddenly a little gold glint catches my eye. The damn ring was resting, happily by my wardrobe. The thing is, I've been looking for that ring since tuesday. Liv and i actually spent a good 30 mins on our hands and knees in my room searching for it. I've even hoovered since then. Ok, well it was more exciting to me...

This week has been full of general cheer and people I love, which is my favourite kind of filling. The overall galdem and mandem has been on top form this week. The lack of sleep and somewhat confusing nature of stuff has been more testing, but in the end, thats nothing. Booya.

[	mood	|	jewish :p	]
[	music	|	'don't think that im easy, when i do her so easy'	]

Suspect 2 days of posting is somewhat overkill but seeing as its

20 Days to Go....

( Sorry, but you knew it was gonna happen... )

[	mood	|	tired as tired dog. woof!yawn!	]
[	music	|	Mai-anh	]

Although I could be using my desire to type to complete (start) my english essay on innocence and experience, or talk to people, I am enjoying the way my fingers slide across the keyboard without my brain having to connect. I am in one of those moods, where you are not a very exciting person, but have every desire to be exciting and interesting, and you figure that if you write for long enough a stream of consciousness will transform into something that someone would be proud of. I suspect most novelists, poets, songwriters etc don't start that way, though - awe-inspiring literature is not often to flow from the fingertips. Which is a shame.

I don't really trust you; the stories I hear can only be backed up by how you act. Maybe thats harsh, but I'm brimming with cynisism today. No reason to believe otherwise. Your spelling irritates me to the point of nervousness. But that's just me.

There are so many ways to feel unsure of yourself at the moment. So many different categories of people that are far from your mark of judgement, or who can place you in their judgemental eye and then publish it to the world. By the world I, of course, mean our world...the small one we've created out of social events and school systems. My, usually, favourite and safest type of world.

This is a stupid mood I'm in - close to liking the sound of your own voice, but more enjoying the sound rather than the words itself. The clicketyclatter of nails on plastic instead of how the words might sound if they were read aloud, or how coherant they might be when formulated in the head. I am in essay writing mode. That is what it is.

On a lighter note mass was greatstuff. Although I usually think that.

So tell me - innocence or experience? If I've already asked, tell me again. Which would you rather be, and why - can you even pick either?

( The million dollar question )

[	mood	|	missing sunglasses	]
[	music	|	jacks song/grand designs	]

It's been so long since I've posted (well) that my annual time to get a nice little moan in about the startling new cold is over. But, just for my own amusement - recently, it has been so cold that I really do wish I was made of ice, in order to remove the contrast. Would be fucking tricky in the winter though, granted. Lots of things have changed recently, mostly only changes you can feel rather than note. The most important ones, maybe... I got attacked after leaving mai-anh today, theres a bit of excitement for you. But the marks round my wrist have gone, and gloria and margot were shockingly unsympathetic. Gutted.

"As of tomorrow...the christmas spirit is back"; mine and charlies altered dresscode serves to reassure myself that you're never too old for the xmas spirit, whether or not that actually is charlotte.

You make me laugh...

I dont feel like my dancing needs have been satisfied recently, need to fix up. Mass on friday, possible, and muchmuchmore come xmas. Check it.

( I'm in a dancing mood, so I hope you got on your dancing shoes )

[	mood	|	hungry like a beast	]
[	music	|	'Oh mickey you're so fine. You're so fine you blow my mind'	]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MAI-FANNY

we love you. oh yes we do. lets eat cake.

except that i didnt actually make the cakes i promised, so lets all give Mai-and birthday beats instead.

[	mood	|	stupid - 'im with stupid'	]
[	music	|	'If you got the notion, i second that emotion'	]

Guess what?

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

Hit me with (your rhythm stick)

[	mood	|	rashy	]
[	music	|	'Ain't no sunshine when she's gone'	]

I don't want to do anything that involves my brain anymore.

I just don't have it in me. I mean, my brain, yes, I have that in me. But the energy to apply it to anything worthwhile or useful, no.

Pity that, intit.

[	mood	|	blobby	]
[	music	|	'You could tell I was no debutante'	]

Apparently my language has skipped to the distasteful side of foul but i will say it this way anyway:

I fucking love you all.

I do. Even if i had been completely sober, as opposed to fucked of my face I would have had a wicked time, and I thank everyone (there or not) for theyre happy birthdays, hugs, dances, drinks, texts and existances...generally. bangin.

happy birthday (starting yesterday and dragging on til next sunday) to:

• lucy
• my brother
• me (check it)
• sam
• robin
• anna
• harry
• zoe
• and anyone else who i forgot. sorrysorry

this week has been mostfun, allday everyday. work is long. yawnathon is stupid. raving is perfect. 8hourslater raving in my garden with halina on the phone to my grandma is also damn good. drinking is cool....welll....

( Stubbing out )

[	mood	|	uhuh, yeah	]
[	music	|	'and i call you and say C'MERE'	]

http://artpad.art.com/?idq0lkhdvbs

[	mood	|	Exclamation ---> !	]
[	music	|	'Coz nothing comes close to you'	]

This schools thing that livejournal has introduced has made me realise how many freaks go to Graveney (and thats not even including you guys). Crazy. Like this weird asian girl in the year below us whos obsessed with sex. I was gratuitously informed that she is constructing a reuben dildo. Why is that?

This week has been good. Quite buff really, oh yes. Fucking cold, and lacking our Germany-destined friends. but pretty okok.

"i might drink a little drink, a little more. til i buss a little dance in the middle of the floor" i love kano.

Final point. ITV 9pm today (thurrrsday). Check it, you know you want to.

( Buuuurning up This Summer.  )

[	mood	|	Filofaxed.	]
[	music	|	'We've been living life inside a bubble'	]

I feel like I am slowly being submerged under a pile of books, big words and pieces of paper. Copeably so, though; they're not very heavy bits of paper.

My paris and menorca pictures are so great. I love photographs; I can just instantly be vaulted back into our bar with Thierry and a massive sunset cocktail with sparkly bits and crazy colours, or into the caves with a snakes of light above my head and a dark expanse of sea below me. But, you know, schools ok too.

Weird that you feel you owe me something, now. A chat tomorrow about something that never made it anyway. Funny funny. Sarcasm that shoots past you-"Won't you're girlfriend mind?" Really, do I give a shit?

I am in a weird place at the moment. My room is weird, and all my clothes feel like someone elses clothes. But Graveney is still quite fun really, coz you can just walk around for ages in the wrong direction, through the wrong doors with no purpose but that of walking around, really, and nobody minds...except Mr Spratt.

I never meant to cause you trouble....

My filofax came today. It is quite possibly the most fun thing I have ever owned because I can open it and suddenly feel more important than I clinically should. Is that wrong?

[	mood	|	sunglasses, yeahhh	]
[	music	|	"I'm a terrible person, 'coz I've made up my mind'	]

I posted twice in August, and it's already half way through september....so I'm not doing very well. But I guess everyone always says everything first.

This summer was fucking fantastic. No two ways about it. I've been around the world (well, 3 countries in europe...) but the most important thing is I've been with people I loved. So thanks for that everyone. "safe, yeah"

School was hyped up. The reality of the first day was a mixture...undeserved of the hype, but underserved of the negative attitude. Standing in queues was boring and hothothot (as mai-anh happily found out, ruffling my hair) but it is also fun, because 6th form is fun. Like how the teachers smile instead of shout, brandishing yellow uniform slips informing us of our sins, the little kids hold open doors and move out of the way....because we are so damn big, and also because the days of sneaking to the shop, then hiding round the corner to have a fag are gone. Suspect it'll get better though, this is Graveney after all.

Sunglasses are so great. This Ryan business is so silly. Sometimes I'm so surprised. New people are so new. The word so is so... cool. So There.

( I need the smell of summer...(again and again) )

[	mood	|	All purple and bouncey-like...	]
[	music	|	'You keep saming when you ought to be changing"	]

It has been too long, but I am back...looking forward to sleeping in my big comfy bed for the first time since saturday 30th july. That is an undeniably long time. But, then again, I feel as though I havent really been away. It's always the same. While you're away you imagine that the rest of the world just stops, frozen in wait for your eventual return where it just picks up again. But then when I'm in Menorca it's like I've never been away.

It's only 2.12am and I'm officially chatting shit.

Basically, Menorca was fucking brilliant; thanks, on the most part, to Charlotte and Laila. I can't even describe how amazing it is standing on a dance floor in the middle of a massive cave, looking over the sea surrounded by sparkling lights....with a free drink in your hand. It might not have the overwhelming size of fabric, the light up dance floor of the grande or the hundreds of screaming girls of nsf (hate it or love it, and all that), but its undeniably the best venue I've been to. Me and laila sat with my mutti on our upstairs terrace, smoking a fag, and watching the fireworks light up our last night there.

Saying that, it's fucking brilliant to be back. The gig last night was great, and I love the GGs forever (forever, forever, ever, forever, ever) and I just can't get over the fact that theres still more to come. I couldn't imagine leaving Graveney, although I know it's been said a million times by all of us, and I'm fucking happy to be staying. I hope everyone who is coming new will be happy there too, and love it and so such. And pretty pleased with the results (5a*s, 6as and 2bs) as, after all, I've now scored a date with the mayor. Hot stuff. This is a damn long post. Apologogogies.

"What's right is right, but you ain't bin right yet."

[	mood	|	curious, like george	]
[	music	|	"so into you...."	]

three things:

• laila is great
• and the champion at minesweeper
• and we should all bow down to her

guess who scripted that little section? :D

That is all  I really have to say. I am, technically, pulling an all nighter, because I would have to get up soon ( 2 hours) to go away, so I am not going to bed at all...because I have not properly finished packing. Woe is that. Um, ok bye.

[	mood	|	chipper	]
[	music	|	"There'll be ups and downs, smiles and frowns"	]

So far this holiday has been filled with a million and one good things that I couldn't remember if I tried. Which is sad, in some ways. But good. I guess it'll be a list because full sentances seem like such a treck after more than a month of school...

Yesterday was absolutely amazing hysterical cheesy great. The day was spent cleaning and cycling so didn't really have much energy for a club but.......so worth it. Just one of those places where you can sing along at the top of your voice all night, implement all those stupid dance moves that died with your parents social lives and everyone loves you for it. For free me, Gemma and Laila shimmied over the light up dance floor and sung along to every classic I can think of. Looksee....

Jokes.

And now I am feeling a little bit sad, I must say. Goin away on monday then I'm not going to see most of your beautiful faces for a month. Weird. I haven't been out of london that long since...last year. But yeahhhh, will miss y'all, mucho. Email me. x

[	mood	|	yeahmon	]
[	music	|	Gimme Gimme	]

It has appeared to me today, like a flash of blinding light, that I cannot remember a day since my final exam (sociology) where i have not been drunk, or tipsy. Im sure there has been one. i just dont remember it.

I am in norwich. I love norwich, all the two times I've been here (including this time). C'est tres amusant. Today I woke up at about 1.30, as you do, fucked around a little bit then missed my train. Eventually, after fights with knitting needles, I made it to the wich of nor and trekked around for a bus. That's not very interesting is it?

Let's be succinct. Got to Lils Dad's (the resdence of one peter braam) in the pouring rain. Bopped to the pub to meet various braams and others. had a lotlotlot to drink, did some abysmol karaoke, which i was bullied into. (i'm a bitch, i'm a lover, i'm a child, i'm a mother, i'm a sinner, i'm a saint - i do not feel ashamed and so on so such) then lots of other people sang, all of them finished their song unlike us. then tout les gens bopped to the chinois and it was good. now i am watching gimme gimme avec lil, i feel soon may be time for another fag. what has everyone else been doing, i wonder.

haha laila just flicked channels - "science came out?!", this is almost on par with "what, bob marleys dead?!"

[	mood	|	exhausted	]
[	music	|	BBC News. The dulcet tones of.	]

This is shit;  I just hope that all of you, and all of your families, are ok.

But now (trying not to sound frivolous about the whole thing) I have been instructed to inform you all )graveneys etc) that the afterparty is still going on, as normal.

Prom was really good. Paris was absolutely amazing....but i can do all that another time.

That is all.

x

[	mood	|	pro-plussed	]
[	music	|	'Don't try to talk to me, coz boy I am blocking you out'	]

"Wasn't it you that said, that I wouldn't do too good?" move out

I hate 3:18 this morning, when the birds start singing

I hate an hour later even more...when the sun is spitting through my blinds and the birds are cackling "you're not asleep yet" and it's true; I'm not asleep yet.

I hate 6am, because sixam is when I get up to do the revision I free-celled/msned/slept instead of. 6:00. The worse thing is that, usually, I just eat two breakfasts instead.

My skin is red and stingy, like my mood; I lay in the sun too long this afternoon not thinking about physics or sociology. Then I feel asleep until the shadow of my cat's tail was on my belly button. Which was nice.

I am living on pro-plus. It is quite fun. Makes your heart beatbeatbeatalittlebitfaster, and your head spin around....but it keeps you awake.

All my exams are finished tomorrow, which is nice. I can even begin to comprehend how I will be feeling this time tomorrow, after 2 exams and five hours in the exam hall. Happy, I would hope.

You deserve each other. A replica of yourself would suit better, but for the purpose of clashing big-heads...thisonewillpass.

Additionally my weekend nights have been excellent. Thursday was a great length of Graveney pubbing and then climbing up trees, Friday was ALbert Sq dancing then Annas, Saturday was mass - the bands (buff) then our old favourite of dnb and Sunday was a lil bit of pubbing, and a nice Wanny cotch. The days are a blur of hot.

Good luck everyone. It's too late now but good luck for the past, and for the day that the results come out. Even though I won't know, because me and Laila will be pretending we don't know in Menorca. So there.

[	mood	|	brainless	]
[	music	|	hollyoaks	]

For  wellseemingform and saidso

6 favourite songs for right now:

• Don't play that song - Aretha Franklin
• Hollaback girl - Gwen Stefani
• Summertime - The Sundays
• Find my way - NERD
• I see girls - Studio B
• Stay away - Rooney

Actually I'm giving myself 2 more:

• Hate it or love it - The game
• All in my grill - Miss Elliot, Outkast and Nicole Ray

And... um.... whose haven't I seen yet?....Just do it if you feel like it :-D

Apart from that, biology was complete bollocks, which is the general standard of this whole gcse malarky but... in 2 1/2 weeks it will all be over and, about a week after that it'll be Paris. Yum. And I guess exam time it ok; lie ins, DeNiro and all that.

I love Lisa + Ben. Bless. But Justin...alas. (I watch too much TV)

Additionally, I just cherried my fag and now the bush outside my window appears to be smoking. Lets pray for rain huh...

[	mood	|	curious	]
[	music	|	'thats what friends are for'	]

I won't argue with you on this one, but I wish you trusted me.

And I don't know what it is about you that tried to make everything so hard. But you're wrong.

Anyhow

ABSOLUTE DIBBO - HAPPY BIRTHDAY

( The Graveney Girls (and patrick) take Chinatown )

I liked you but that was before

I never knew then and I still don’t know how

The things you do all come back to you

That’s why I hung back but I'll say what I like now

Edit:Hals just started shaving. Ahahahahahahaha. That is all.

[	mood	|	creative	]
[	music	|	'You know I know you lied. You lied. You lied'	]

Nothing I say will be new and, therefore, interesting so I won't. Lers just remember, "It's all Graveney, baby"

The last day was amazing. Drunk amazing drunk hyper amazing. Thanks, in a large part, to a lot of you, some great women - namely Forrest, Ibe and Piggot - and a large alcohol supply.. Everyone seems to have damaged themselves in some ways or done something they regret, but I wouldn't have the day changed in the slightest. Except for that I deleted pretty much all of my pictures (except for the fabulous one of E and the one of everyone in the leavers assembly standing up) so I stole all of yours and did this:

Yummy. Sorry, its a bit massive.

Things from Graveney I’m going to have to keep:

·         My signed shirt

·         My photographs

·         My year 11 organiser (LAILALAILALAILA)

·         My blazer and tie

·         Letters and notes

·         Quite a lot of other shit

·         My love for every single one of you

·         How cheesy I am. Apologies.

S'all.

somebody needs to get me a job. this is a dire situation. £3000 to raise, and not a pot to piss in, as such. so yes, hire me.........not in a funny way.

apart from that, i doubt that its escaped anyones notice that its the end of term tomorrow. the end of our lives as year 11s. and all that i want to be said has been said... so ill leave it with ditto and that i love you all. seriously, my graveney days have been the best so far, and the futures gonna have to be pretty brilliant to surpass the recent memories and people i have met.

*sob* so yeh....

apart from that there are the obvious descisions of what and where to drink before school, what to burn etcetcetc

i am getting up at 6.15 tomorrow to go and pick up gemma in time for the park tomorrow.... milord. ok thats all i have to say today

[	mood	|	lacking a pen	]
[	music	|	'Every day I love you less and less.'	]

You're not as subtle as you like to think you are. But its ok, you have to remember, nobody will judge you for feeling the way you always do.

And you. What can i say? Too many things, not enough things. A simple thrill isn't worth the hassle. I take that back; cheap thrill.

In other news... i pricked little holes in my water bottle. which i thought was a very stupid thing to do, until i realised that i can drink it with the lid on now. *clenches fist in triumphant way that lucy appreciates* yyesss

The weekend was pretty great. Quite tragic in a groupie, tiring, caught-in-the-rain, calippo, masculine-bottle-football way.... but hysterical and therefore good. 'You know its a shit socail situation when you have to resort to ___-watching'. I love cycling. It is the best way to travel, ever. Obviously, it hasnt got the class of say... the orient express... but it feels pretty damn great. So far since saturday i have cycled:

• on an adventure with charlotte. that unsurprisingly ended early due to frapps and shopping
• to lailas gala, where i got lost
• with laila to clapham common (while lil was on my bike) all around clapham common, then back to mine then back to clapham common, to northcote road, and back to mine.
• to charlottes and home

great stuff. it is almost the end of school. i dont know if that is good or bad. scary. and while everybody is panicking about exams, i am worrying that i am not worrying. but thats ok. i realise, i love graveney, i wouldnt leave it if you paid me (name a price). because everyone there is great. except for....

I've got better things to do, than worry about you. I need to keep on walking.

[	mood	|	yeah man	]
[	music	|	"Diamonds are forever. They won't leave in the night."	]

Tonite I free-wheeled almost all the way home from charlottes house. It was a little bit raining, and nice and breezy, in a summer-storm way, i dont know why. Perfect free-wheel morcheeba fuelled conditions. Even if i did nearly get run down.

"I'm trying to figure out, just what you're all about. These days I don't have much to say to you."

I can feel summer coming. Its there, under the pavement and above the clouds in a sweaty, common, sunshine way. Even if promises of sunday have regressed to 23 degrees, its still damn hot. Perfect mayday conditions. And in two months it will all be over, and i will be very drunk for the important part of the time (one might hope) and will be packing for...

( Paris )

everyone is fantastic

[	mood	|	curious	]
[	music	|	'and i'm really lucky underneath it all'	]

"I spent the day quietly polishing the routine of my life, until it gleamed in perfection"

 Often in sociology, while me and emma are cursing feminists, we talk about how fun it would be to be a housewife. Like, not in a funny way, but it really would. Life would be so utterly perfect. For someone mildly obsessive, when it comes to cleanliness, this would be quite an ideal life for me.

Think about it, you would be highly rich, live in a beautiful house, have a buff husband (blatantly) and beautiful kids. And you would wear sort of retro (but not really retro for a fifties style housewife lady) clothes with really saucy underwear underneath. Each morning you would get up, looking perfect and make breakfast... send all off to school, and kiss your husband off to work. Then continue with your hot and steamy affair. After this you would do your errands, do a bit of shopping, see your friends, and maybe have a cocktail and do your nails, before your husband gets home. After a 'honey I'm home' you would greet him at the door, and get him a stiff drink because, you know, a mans work is ohsohard and never done. And so on....

I might get bored of it after a while, but.. i think it would be great. Does noone agree?

Too few cares have I

As this talk turns sour

I was blind but now I'm still blind

I liked you for 24 hours

I liked you but that was before

I never knew then and I still don’t know how

The things you do all come back to you

That’s why I hung back but I'll say what I like now

[	mood	|	cynical	]
[	music	|	'all that glitters, is not gold'	]

This is Not a Coded Post

I’ve been better

And I’ve been worse.

I hear you, and it’s all very well

But never again.

La probleme est ceci: j'ai mon examen francais en une jour et demi et je ne se jamais le francais assez. Sacre bleu.

Although, i wrote that off the top of my head... wrong?

Back at school. School is fine because.. its just is. Listening to all our teachers sounding older and older as we are, supposedly, stepping further and further out of line. "only generation for a century with a lowering life expectancy." safe. Drama was.... me trying not to kill josh, and the rest of us forgetting our lines. Vunderful.

And you know, desires a terrible thing; I'll show you one more sign. / As, though desires a terrible thing, I still rely on mine.

Remind me not to listen, yes?

[	mood	|	thirsty	]
[	music	|	summertime - the sundays	]

You're always dressed to kill... so do it

Mes vacances etaient tres bien, d'habitude. Highlights included (in no particular order):

• norwhich (sky and smoking with laila)
• manchester (being very drunk a lot of the time, with a lot of my family)
• the gig at bug bar...and then ross' house afterwards
• wetherspoons, nationwide
• lailas free house last night(they always are)
• the ggs go bowling
• a cinderella story
• the drama trip - kevin spacey and then le boum tragique apres ca
• mass, or more wilfs house afterwards
• grand designs and icecream
• daytime common homework club + smirnoff ices
• booking paris
• anne maries (always)
• my facial

have i missed anything? coz you know what. thats all i can think of right now. but that will do in itself. everyone is great. i hope you know that.

however. some things are not good. like people stirring and chatting shit when everything should be left alone. like stupid liars who think they can get away with it. like a complete lack of revision with the looming shadow of les examens. merde.

and its you and its me in the summertime, walking hand in hand in the park.

two peas in the same pod, yes we are. or have i read too much fiction? is this how it happens?

[	mood	|	just a little bit...	]
[	music	|	'something that you said, turned me from the inside out'	]

I am a developing schizophrenic

I think about you and i get annoying, stupid and partially angry.... but i dont know why

and then i think about you and i just get giggly and funny... hahahahaha

its just the way im feeling

one and a half more days until 2 weeks and 6 days of holiday. yesssss. we got our exam timetables today. i am not scared. which is scary. because i know i should be, and i will be. so there.

weekend was very good, and very much like summer. but it hurt my teeth, and also my brain - weathering my patience.

stolen from mai-anh because it looked like so much fun. turns out... i was right.

http://artpad.art.com/?idq0lkhdvbs

im i talented huh. also if everyone has any ideas for my tatoo go ahead. i was gonna get 'i am buff' on my back in hebrew (coz of the jewish thing) for comical value, but i thought i might wear off...

[	mood	|	accomplished	]
[	music	|	'are you calling me a liar?....'	]

I am in rs trying to learn my french, and listening to michaels ipod

Dizzee was actually fucking amazing yesterday (and i didnt get robbed, thanx michael). It was great though, we were sooo close. He held my haaaaand :p.

but yeah, not only do i love dizzee but alsoooo.... what was his name? scope?

buff. ok back to ma famille et nos vacances. fantastique

[	mood	|	curious	]
[	music	|	dude wheres my car - and then... and then... and then...	]

I've given all of me
yet you crave for more.
Weird how this makes us feel insecure,
thats what friends are for

[	mood	|	content	]
[	music	|	'the junk of the hearts'	]

You, you're so gramatically incorrect. Making me feel like shit. You, with all of your big gestures. Making me feel so small. You, an indescribeable item. Need to pin you down, for some of the time....

It's you. Why's it always you and never me? I've never dared to let my feelings free. Why's it always you and never me? I've never cared too much for honesty.

I took out my belly bar today, put in a ring. It looks mean ;p, but its comforting, because you can spin it around and around.

Its the streets in two days. In two days we will have seen kano and the mitchell brothers, and be enjoying the delights of mike skinner, and draw. It is dizzee rascal in a week. In a week we will have seen the nigerian drummer man and be marvelling at dizzeeeeeee. i love my life.

my mood is content. i always pick content. this is for three reasons:

• it is positive, but not overly excited. calm....
• it is on the list when you open it up.... you dont have to scroll down looking for what mood you are in
• my picture wears sunglassessss when i am content, if that doesnt do it nothing will.

hissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. why dont you just bite me?

speaking of, there is an argument outside. 'your dog just bit me' 'i dont believe you'.. and so on. crazy shit

[	mood	|	hungover	]
[	music	|	'you cant hide, gonna find you, and make you want me'	]

06/04/04

Long Time Snow Ski

been offschool for a few days, bit of the old cinema on friday. south bank on sat with halina to pick up our front stall dizzee tickets, anne maries with les girlies, pub with laila and halina. sort of partie etc other peoples journals. jessies -> bbb. southside with emma this morning, home... mothers day stuff. the oc. anne maries with laila. here. vunderfal.

I'm surprised that you've never been told before that you're lovely, and you're perfect, and that somebody wants you.

I'm surprised that you've never been told before that you're priceless, and you're precious, even when you are not you...

Isnt it funny? How you can want something for such a long time, and then you can think about it afterwards and feel a mixture of disgust and amusement that you could have ever wanted something as shit as that.... Loser.

Facinating New Thing

Edit

Chicken escalope

[	mood	|	bored	]
[	music	|	'i cant really explain it, im so into you now....'	]

I am making a mothers day card. For my mother.

Looking through pictures:

Hals not wearing any cloooothes.

:-)

I am ill. Your mum...

In other news, my brother is having teeth out. Everything with him is like pulling teeth, now this is literally so.

[	mood	|	okay	]
[	music	|	'if i wanted i could take you from your man...'	]

Every time i have something to say, my journal is on read-only mode. This is why i never say anything (cry for me). I have been waiting for 20 minutues to post, and now that i can, the only thing that i cant think to post about is not being able to post. cry for me again

Nice boys finish last? -  "With my eyes closed, i could have you eating out the palm of my hand and all your little friends too" / "No you cant, your a player and i dont want you" / "Yes i can, and i will if i - if i want to"

Days have been good. Snow has been a bit beautiful, a bit chappin'. Weekend also good..... pub on friday, out with lil, seana and georgia from sat lunch til sun morn, anne maries sunday. And a lovely anne maries today with morwenna... instead of the gym.

I’m sick of your honesty

You’re honesty and your lies

But we'll cope....

[	mood	|	chapppppin'	]
[	music	|	times passing so slowly now guess thats my life without you	]

Happy Snow Day Everyone!

Half term was pretty good. I wrote down what i did every day, so that i coudl remember, but then i lost the list, so i can generally say there was a bit of school, a cinema trip, a fair bit of drinking, smoking and blazing, a lot of the ol' anne maries, some shopping, some films, an exercise video, one fabric night, a couple of parties, some not-so-great moments, and some great moments. Its been fucking cold though...

And if it makes you less sad we'll start talking again

You can tell me how vile, I already know that I am

( ....and you're an icon, these days )